HEY KIDS.

SO I'm sorry about not responding to emails and stuff, I've been really sick! I was in the hospital all night (which was brilliant, they were wondering why my arm was going numb and the IV wasn't working; turns out a nurse left the tourniquet on FOR LIKE TWO HOURS and I couldn't feel anything anyway so it was like way to go, lady).

I've mostly spent my time cooking. My mom's birthday party was a couple days ago, so in three days I made:

- TWO BUTTERMILK CAKES. One had raspberries and blackberries and the other was just strawberries since I was just raiding the fridge anyway. Making buttermilk from scratch can be annoying (I thought about just making butter and using the runoff for the buttermilk but decided that was a little time consuming) but it all turned out OK. This was mostly because my internet and phones were out so I had nothing to do but bake.
I guess I could have read something.
Nah.
Anyway this shit's really easy and quick to make so if you want to know how to make it, I could hook you guys up with a recipe.

- SHRIMP COCONUT SOUP. This shit was delicious but I put in a little too much lime so it was a little bit weird to the younger kids, but the adults-- er-- ate it right up, or whatever. It's really funny watching shrimp turn pink when you're boiling them because when they're all blue and grey they look so foreign.

- VEGAN/GLUTEN FREE CARROT CAKE. I didn't even need to make it gluten free cause my aunt with celiac disease never showed up. I just worked with this one recipe I know for a carrot cake that doesn't use butter... It was really weird dough though and I was surprised it turned into a cake at all. It wasn't all that sweet and I thought using rice flour would have helped that, but I still think it needed more sugar. The rice flour definitely helped on the spongy front though so at least there's that.

- GINGER/GARLIC CHICKEN IN PEANUT SAUCE. Shit was delicious. Making peanut sauce from scratch is really gross though, and I would not really suggest it unless you are OK with smelling vinegar for days after the fact. I will admit that it tastes great when it's fresh, though.

ANYWAY NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY CULINARY EXPLOITS

Okay so I know it's terrible, but when MJ died my first concern was with the Beatles' song rights. I'm sure it must break Paul's little heart to hear some bullshit muzak version of Hello Goodbye playing over a Target commercial with some dumbass woman lazily chirping along. It's especially hurtful because MJ effectively stole them from Paul by doing the real-world equivalent of eBay sniping, so I think I'm still pretty bitter about that, especially since MJ and Paul were pretty close before that.

WHY, MJ, WHY?

So I'm in the hospital, right, and this generally stoic nurse comes in and he's like "are you feeling better?" and at this point I'm high as shit on the IV painkiller they gave me, so sure, I'm feeling better, capitan. I'm not feeling a whole lot, but I guess better counts as something. And he's all like, "okay, man, I got a joke for you. I just made it up. It's a BRAND NEW JOKE. Do you want to hear it?"

Shit, man, I'm pretty much tethered to the goddamn bed. Even if I didn't want to hear it, trying to get away would risk
a) yanking the IV out of my arm resulting in a saline-and-blood geyser (THIS IS NOT AS FUN AS IT SOUNDS)
b) rolling onto the floor anyway since I can hardly keep my head in the air let alone my feet on the ground
c) letting the entire hospital see my ass since I've failed to the tie the back of my lovely dressing gown

So of course I said "sure."

"Okay. So Farrah Fawcett dies. She goes to Heaven, and St. Peter says she's lived a good life and been a good person so she gets a request. She says, Well, I want all the children of the world to be safe! So God kills Michael Jackson."

There is a pause. It is a tangible pause. It is a delay not just in my thought process but in time itself, and for that devilishly long moment-- to quote The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, which I will get to in a moment-- "no one spoke, no one moved, no one made a sound."

I consider joing Farrah and Michael.

Then it happens.

First the side of his mouth just curls a little bit, which is harmless enough, but that innocuous movement grew into this wretched, wry smile, and pretty soon he is sporting a shit-eating grin, and making a sound that my drug-riddled mind can't understand.

He is laughing at his own fucking joke.
He is the only one laughing, and he's laughing at his own joke, which makes me laugh, which is also a weird sound because I am high and exhausted and my head feels a little bit weird because I'm severely dehydrated so my mom starts laughing and pretty soon this guy thinks he's the funniest bastard on the face of the earth.

In retrospect, the saline-and-blood geyser doesn't sound so bad.

ANYWAY.

So the Mighty Mighty Bosstones (the only band I've consistently listened to my entire life is of course a ska band since I try too hard to reject the indie label) are playing a reunion show in Seattle next month. I'm taking Sam to go see them with me which I'm really excited about! They are good.

I am working on setting up my old music blog again (also with Sam) so I'll let you know when that's up. No matter what you listen to, you'll find something good with us, because between the two of us we span every genre (except thrash metal but I don't think you guys are into it either), and we like talking shit about pop culture (even though we're its biggest fans) so it should be a blast.

I forget how delicious solid food is.

Also have you guys seen the new back of the Sacagewea? It's hilarious. It's like, this Native woman gingerly catering to some plants. Probably corn or tobacco or some shit. She's sprinkling them with something out of her hand. I think we are supposed to assume she's planting something, but it's like, lady, you are in a field full of already-grown plants, are you stupid? And she's like nah, just let me get this last thing.

It's pretty funny looking.

I've talked too much so I'll leave you guys to your vices (in rare cases, virtues).
Oh, and Trytko, lemme know what you thought about Hedwig.